also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
