i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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