Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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