Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
