Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
