I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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