the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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