You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
