made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just cropdusted the office
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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