OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
