How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
