Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
