Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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