like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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