So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What a dumb baby whore.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
