Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i believe in u and ur pee
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