his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
