did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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