id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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