So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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