Where is the hickey?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
