Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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