I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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