the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
