I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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