you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
