is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
