There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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