I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
