we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
