if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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