I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
not ubering you a puppy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
