I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
