the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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