Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
