Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
