Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I only lived at night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
