look no pants
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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