This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
