soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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