Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
