i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
