Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
