My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
