I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
