i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
