Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
