just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
