i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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