yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
