God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
